The Scamming Never Ends…Or Why I Had to Take a Break from Internet Dating

I know, it’s been awhile since I’ve written anything. But I just got so tired of the bullshit on dating sites and the last scammer just did me in. I did my best to make sure he was for real and although there were signs along the way, he managed to keep me on the hook until almost the end. Then when he presented me with a copy of the false contract for a job he had just gotten in Mexico, I knew for sure he was full of shit. The funniest part of it? When I checked his so-called local address that was on the contract? It was the very funeral home that my sister-in-law had her final remains taken care of at and where her funeral was. What an asshole!

I did everything I could think of to catch this guy upfront. He still managed to not talk to me on the phone, although he sent me videos of himself. But all the signs were there: the too fast trip down romance lane, the talk of retirement within a short few months, the being too busy to meet me in person because of his work schedule, although he only supposedly lived around 35 miles away (and according to the dating website, that checked out). But, when I looked up records for where he said he owned a house in Texas, there was no record of anyone of that name owning a house. So, it was all BS. From the start. And the weird thing was – I contacted him because someone contacted me first and when I checked, I found a person with one of the same photos locally and sent a message to him. They were probably the same person. God, the lengths these people will go to deceive just blows my mind! And all this without asking me for a dime and it had gone on for like a month. Sending me these romantic song videos and making other romantic gestures and like an idiot, I ate it up, even while not believing a word of it, but wanting to.

So, ladies, once again, beware of anyone who wants to get romantic too soon, without ever actually meeting you. Even if they talk to you on the phone. Maybe even if they video chat with you (although that is unlikely, I just heard of someone who did get one to do that with her). And then if they suddenly get a job in Timbuktu, well, you know for sure they are a scammer. But please, just shut them down early. Don’t waste your time because you want a little romance in your life, unless you want to just play with them, or are able to keep from getting your emotions involved. Remember – It Isn’t Real! If they don’t follow through and meet you and have a normal relationship with you where you date and get to know each other, then it isn’t real! So, don’t waste your time. They should be in your area, not overseas. They should be able to meet you within a week or two of chatting you up online, because otherwise, why are they on a dating site at all?

And then there are the Wusses

So, after taking about a month or two off from interacting with anyone on a dating website, I decided I had done enough healing work through some women’s groups I had been attending, to try it again. My anxiety levels immediately shot through the roof. I backed off of POF, because there are just way too many scammers on there. Almost every guy I was contacted by on there appeared to be one. I could tell just by the pictures and the profiles. Way too handsome, fuzzy photo backgrounds or else they looked planted on foreign scenery or at some restaurant or ocean side view. The profiles had these long flowing descriptions of who they were and what they were looking for in a woman and the job descriptions are always a tip off – marine engineer (yet they live in the Midwest??), oil and gas engineer (yet only have some university – I’m sorry, but to be an engineer, requires a college degree), gemologist or even geologist (I am one, so don’t even go there), and get this one – one guy said he was a project manager. When I asked him what kind of projects he managed he said diamond mines. I said, and you live in Nebraska? And he said, yes, that is what my profile says, why do you ask? I said, because most of the diamond mines are in South Africa. Next time I looked, he had blocked me! LOL

So, I hid my profile again on POF and it is still hidden. The only one I am currently using is Facebook, and it is getting almost as bad as POF for scammers because it is free, but they are just catching on to that it seems, and they have to have a FB profile so it is more of a hassle to create. Nevertheless, they are out there, so beware. You will see the same things to watch out for, the photos, job descriptions, flowery profiles. Also watch out for the ones that speak English and another language, usually German, Dutch, and occasionally French. I think they pick those because if they do ever talk to you on the phone, their accent will not bother you unless you, like me, have a good ear for accents and languages and can tell that it is more likely to be an African-speaking person you are talking to rather than a European.

But my latest episode was none of those. He was just young and immature. Okay, yes, I should probably have known better than to even talk to someone who was 42, but he was into sci-fi and we had other things in common and he liked me first. He also had a meme on his profile that indicated he was a safe person for people of all races and sexual orientations and I liked that. So, we started chatting a bit. It was slow at first. I think he was more bothered by the age difference than I was, since I wrapped my head around that long ago. He also lives a couple of hours away and has no car. Well, I was on vacation this week, so I offered to drive there to meet him. No expectations, just to hang out and see if there were any sparks to see if it was worth pursuing any further. We talked on the phone once. That went well and we were supposed to video chat, just to confirm that we were talking to whom we both thought we were talking to. Well, I finished up what I was doing and ate something that evening, while he was doing the same. When I got on my phone, ready to tell him I was ready to talk, I found that he had blocked me on messenger, his FB dating profile was no longer available, and his phone number wasn’t accepting calls. WTH??? I finally figured out I could send him a text still, even if he blocked me, he would still receive it and hopefully one day he will read them and see what a WUSS I think he is for not having the balls to tell me he changed his mind about meeting and wanted to back out.

Now, granted, I should have known better than to even waste my time on someone who is over 20 years my junior, but he seemed very nice and we liked a lot of the same things and had the same viewpoints on many things. I could tell he was a bit immature (he likes comic books for one thing) and might have been too much of a stoner, but I also knew going in that it wouldn’t be the love of my life, but hey, maybe it would be fun for a bit. I just wish he could have been mature enough to say, hey, I thought about it and I just don’t think it is something I want to do. No hard feelings. Oh well…guess I won’t go down that road again.

Now What?

The newest thing I am trying is a local meet-up group that gets together and does different things in the city, like go out to dinner, meet up for coffee, and tonight there is a game night at someone’s apartment building clubhouse, which I am attending. I went to a restaurant outing the other night and it was okay. A bit hard to meet people in that kind of setting, but I did talk to a few people. Hopefully, tonight will be fun and a better setting to meet people, both male and female and makes some friends, at least, and get out.

I’ll still keep cruising FB dating, but frankly, the guys my age on there are not at all attractive, which is why the scammers have so much luck. And many of the men slightly younger, in their mid-fifties, still have children, which I am not interested in. I might join Match again, but I didn’t have much success on it the last time. I should have grabbed it when they offered it at 50% off, because since then, the most they have offered is 30%. I’m stuck with E Harmony and it is a total washout. The guys they offer are very few and most don’t even have pictures, which shouldn’t be allowed, if you ask me. If you are going to be on a dating website – be brave enough to put a picture of yourself on there, dammit!

Basically, online dating sucks and instead of being the answer to loneliness, it seems to create more isolation than ever before. And the pandemic just made things worse. From what I see and hear, a lot of men (and maybe women) are treating it like a candy store for sex. They don’t want relationships; they just want casual sex, and if you aren’t willing to give it up, then they just move on to the next person. That just seems empty to me and very unfulfilling. And lonely. The same goes for those guys who spend all their time watching porn and never want to actually interact with a real woman. They are missing out on life; on what a real relationship with a woman could and should be. I pity them.