Back Again…

I know, I’ve been missing in action for a long time. I got busy and frankly, the world of internet dating just sucks and I’ve pretty much given up on it. Let me tell you about my last experience with it and why I have hidden my profile on the two free sites I still have currently (Plenty of Fish (POF) and FaceBook (FB).

I started chatting to a guy back several months ago who lived in a town just over the border in Oklahoma about an hour and a half drive away from me. He was a couple of years older, still working, but thinking of retiring within the year. His story was that he came to America from Cuba with his father when he was around 6 but grew up mostly in Texas with an uncle. My spidey senses tingled mildly from the very beginning with things that he said, but I continued talking to him just to see what he had to say.

I finally got him to agree to speak to me on the phone because we were talking about meeting up and there was no way that was happening without me hearing his voice and hopefully also video chatting on the phone. Now, I’m an anthropologist and somewhat of a linguist who has been exposed to a lot of accents throughout my life. Someone who has been brought up in the states since he was 6 would sound very American, even with Spanish speaking parents. This guy sounded like he was African, although I couldn’t quite place the accent, I knew he was not American, nor Cuban, nor Spanish speaking. I told him that his voice did not match the stories he had told me about himself. He pretended to be insulted and was a bit taken aback. I said, I’m an anthropologist and I know language and your accent does not match what you have told me about yourself. I did not come out and tell him where I thought he came from, because I couldn’t be certain, other than he was not who he said he was.

At this point he was trying to get me to drive down and meet him at the Walmart in OK that coming Saturday morning. When we talked on the phone, I noticed that the video was turned off. That told me that either his phone was a burner and wouldn’t allow for video or that he chose not to allow his face to be shown, both of which told me he was hinky. And what kind of gentleman expected the lady to drive to meet him instead of driving to meet her or suggesting that we meet halfway somewhere public? The whole thing began to stink to high heaven.

Needless to say, our conversation was short and unpleasant. Yet the next morning, he was texting me saying that he was at the Walmart waiting for me to show up. I responded with a message saying I never told him I would meet him and what kind of man expected a woman my age to show up and meet a man who would not show his face during a phone call or expect me to drive to meet him an hour and a half away? Not very gentlemanly of him at all. No way would I put myself in that position. A fool I was not. He kept sending a few texts about how he was there waiting for me, but I never showed. And that was the end of it. I just kept having visions of white slavery – although what they would want with an old arthritic woman of 65 I have no idea.

So, that was when I decided I was through with internet dating. The guy’s picture was not one of those that looked like a model like you would expect a scammer to use; he looked like an average nice guy. But I don’t think he was the person in the photo at all. I think whoever I spoke to had stolen some other guy’s profile and went from there. Those bastards are getting sneakier and sneakier. And it just sucks when all you are trying to do is get a date or find someone to love and spend time with not end up god knows where or someone trying to steal your money or your identity or something worse.

IS THERE A BETTER WAY?

So, in the past year or so, I have joined a couple of in-person groups. One is a social type of group, where it is not necessarily about meeting up just to find a partner, but more to get out and do things in the city and meet people, but if you happen to find someone, then cool. There are couples in the group, but most of the people are single and probably looking and hoping to find someone, but some are just looking to get out and have some fun and make some friends. The other group is to meet potential partners and there are people from their 20s up into their 70s in that group. Both groups are very active with lots of meetups, although you need to be selective at my age for what appeals. I’m way past the bar scene and a lot of the activities seem to occur in the bars.

One woman did start sort of a splinter group that meets and it is for the older crowd of mostly 50+ that comes and we mostly go out to dinner and then some go out afterwards to a bar or dancing (even though most of us are no longer that flexible any more). I have to admit I am more comfortable with this crowd, but the downside to this group is that more women than men show up and so far, I have not been that interested in any of the men that have shown up or they in me.

One thing about internet dating, I guess, is that the pool is larger in some respects. Or it appears to be. But when you get out in the city in smaller groups like the ones I have participated in so far, the selection seems to be smaller. Yet people seem to be finding each other. Maybe I am just getting more picky in my old age. But that’s ok. I’ve earned the right to be that way. I’ve kissed enough frogs in my time. I’m waiting for the man of my heart.