WTH Does Looking for Casual, Long-Term Relationship Mean?

So I actually asked a guy on Facebook dating what this meant as he had selected both of these on his profile. Do you think these two things mean the same thing? No, he said, they don’t. Then why did you put them on your profile? It gives out mixed signals. Which do you want? A hookup or a long-term relationship? I got a non-response: “I’m interested in good healthy relationships no matter what they consist of,” was the reply. Basically, I think that the guy wanted a hookup and didn’t want to put in the effort that a long-term relationship would require because when I said that I was worth more than just a casual hook-up, all the response I got was, “Okay”, and that was the end of the conversation. Pretty much says it all. He was much more honest at the start when he said “What can I say..Wanna fuck!” And I’m getting the feeling that that is the majority of the male consensus out there.

But here is my take on the matter. How does someone have an on-going casual relationship without getting their feelings involved? How do you get so intimate with a person and get to know their likes and dislikes physically without getting emotionally attached in some way? That is, if you see each other more than once. I can’t do it and I’m betting most women can’t and even most men. So, do men just sleep with women once and move on? That just seems so empty to me. That just leaves me more sad and lonely than I was before the encounter. I would much rather spend time getting to know someone. But…and here’s the kicker…what if he can’t allow himself to get emotionally invested in you back? What if every time you start to get close, he sends you packing? What do you do then? Even if you have been warned up front that he wants to keep it “casual”, how do you do that when you have become intimate over months and shared bits of yourself with him and he with you? How can he just shut you down?

I’m wondering if some people (or is it the male species) have a way to compartmentalize sex from their emotions. One night stands are one thing, but if you see a person on a regular basis for sexual encounters, how do you not end up sharing more of yourself and not get emotionally attached? Isn’t the natural progression of things supposed to be to go deeper and become more involved with each other if you care about each other enough to continue the encounters? My question still remains, how can you call this kind of relationship “casual”? Or just hanging out? There is nothing “casual” about it. It is an on-going, long-term relationship, even if it doesn’t involve going out into public together or cooking dinner together or sleeping together or even watching an episode of Star Trek together. But I don’t know what you call it either, other than hurtful, and too one-sided with all the power in the hands of one partner, who calls all the shots, demanding that the relationship stay within certain limiting boundaries.

Lesson Learned?

I guess the lesson I am trying to take away from this is that what I want is something real, something long-term, something where my partner is willing to invest time and emotions into getting to know me and spend time with me and not only in bed. So, if the profile reads “Casual” or Hangout” or even just wanting friendship or dating, I am going to pass it by. If the guy isn’t actively seeking a long-term relationship and wanting something more than a roll in the hay, then he’s not the guy for me. And I will also take a pass on guys with children. I’m way past wanting to help some guy raise their kids. I’m much more into being a grandma than a mother to someone else’s kids these days. Don’t look to me for that!