Guys Who Get Too Familiar Too Fast – Wassup With That??

There is nothing that annoys me quite so much as a guy who within talking to me for less than a day, starts calling me pet names like dear, babe, hun, or anything like that. And for some reason “Dear” just sets my teeth on edge. If you call me dear, it is like the kiss of death. That is what you call old ladies and I refuse to think of myself as a little old lady. Save that for your great-aunt (okay, okay, I know I am a great-great aunt to several somebodies but these guys don’t know that!) I mean someone in their 80s or 90s! Anyway, being called a pet name has never been something I have liked that much and being called that by someone I have never met and have just started chatting with is off-putting and is likely to put you in the “no” category as far as future relationship material is concerned. And my therapist said that those men who tend to use pet names do it so that they don’t have to remember your name. I believe it. After months of going out with the same guy, who always called me some pet name like sweetie or doll, he finally decides to use my name, and then calls me the wrong name! Embarrassed, he hurriedly checks his phone to make sure he has the right name in his phone, which apparently he does, but now he’s worried he has Alzheimer’s! I guess there is another reason he uses pet names instead of real ones – he can’t remember shit! He never tried to use my real name again.

The next thing some guys do quickly is act like they are in love with you, and again – all of this is without ever having met you – and often without ever having even spoken with you on the phone. They profess that they can’t live without you, and get offended when you tell them they are nuts, that it isn’t possible, or that they need to back off. Often, this is also a good sign that they are scammers and are after you for money or your personal information at some point down the line. For some reason, women my age group are huge targets. I guess they think that just because women my age are on dating websites and lonely, we are also stupid and incapable of seeing through false flattery. Well, apparently some women are, but all it does for me is make me see red flags all over the place and not trust a word they are saying. It is so easy to tell a real person and their interest in you versus one who is trying to snowball you, once you start talking to them.

Practice Those Boundaries!

One good thing about coming across these types of men, whether they be lonely desperate hearts or scammers, is that it is a good opportunity to practice setting and keeping your boundaries, if that is an area where you struggle, like I do. And also a great way to weed out the scammers. I have found recently, that all I have to do is ask them if they are really in my hometown and that is enough to make them block me and disappear. Sometimes they will actually confess, no, I am in Syria, Iraq, or Afghanistan, working for the military, UN, etc. and will be home in 1 or 2 months, blah, blah, blah, and then I get to block them. Any time they say that, I just assume they are a scammer. Even if they are local and military, I am likely to say no, just because I am not into that lifestyle. And seriously, not many men my age are still going to be associated with the military, so they are likely to be liars. So practice your boundaries on the ones you know are lying to you, if you want to play around with them. Why not? You already know they aren’t for you, so just use them to your advantage.

Another thing that I do is carefully read profile details. Of course they lie a lot and you can catch them in those lies. Make them tell you the truth if the pictures don’t match up with the details. If they are honest and just don’t like to fill out questionnaires, they will tell you they just randomly picked answers and tell you the real answers when you ask. If not, they probably will block you because they hacked someone else’s profile, or they are lying about something. Another thing that I see popping up lately on POF is that somehow they are managing to not put in a location. I don’t like that. I want to know if they are local or not. Because if you aren’t, I’m not interested. I don’t know how they are getting around that. For instance, I joined a new site called Woo Plus last week, thinking that might be a better site for me. There was a cute guy that was local, and although on the young side, I decided to go ahead and like him and just send him a nod to that effect. He messaged me back and we started chatting. His details on his profile said he was over 7′ tall and was supersized and I was pretty sure he probably wasn’t, so I questioned him. Of course, he wasn’t. He’s on the average scale of height and weight, just doesn’t like filling out questionnaires, but I told him that women pay close attention to those types of details, so maybe he ought to think about paying more attention in future because I almost dismissed him because of it.

And Finally – Do They Last More Than a Couple of Days?

I seem to have a revolving door of men I get in contact with and chat with a day or two, a week if I am lucky and then :POOF!: they are gone! I don’t know if it is me, or the men, or the state of the world and the economy or what, but nothing seems to be sustainable these days. For instance, the guy I just started talking to on Woo Plus yesterday seems to have dropped me already. And he was supposed to take me out on a date this week! I call that rude! But I guess I am guilty of some of the same behavior when I decide I don’t like someone. But I thought this guy and I hit it off. Oh well…I may try to talk to him later and see if I can find out what happened. It might be something I said about the age difference that put him off. And I was probably right…Sigh…Anyways, that seems to be the way of things, I just can’t seem to even get a date these days. Except for with my stalker who continues to contact me. Ugh. He stopped by around a week or so ago and luckily I realized it was him before I opened the door and I just yelled at him to go away. I don’t know if he even saw me or heard me through the door. Then he shows up on the dating website we first met on and sends me a couple of messages. His latest was to ask if he could come over tomorrow morning at 2:30 AM so we can talk! 2:30 AM!! Who does that?? He knows I am a night owl, but he doesn’t know if I have to work or not in the morning. Anyway, I am continuing my strategy of no contact. I made the mistake of checking out his profile and I don’t know if he could tell that or not. It shouldn’t show up as me. His whole new profile is a tissue of lies. So laughable. But I hope he doesn’t just come by tonight or any other night. I just want him to stop.